A short SDF series on
What do you do when….
4. when you need to organise a funeral?
So someone has died and you are the person who is responsible for sorting everything out. Where do you start? What do you do?
When people contact me for funeral services, they often say that they don’t really know what to do or even where to start. I reply, “Don’t panic.”
I understand that dealing with death is not something most people experience often so it can be foreign, scary and emotional. However, having an idea of the process can help give you more confidence.
Funerals have changed a lot from the past when basically the funeral director and church minister did everything. Today you have much more input and many more options. You don’t even need a funeral director – but it helps.
Usually, the first call is to the Funeral Director who will guide you throughout the process. They can collect and keep the person until the funeral. But there are some decisions you need to make along the way. However, the basic process, though it feels daunting, is quite straightforward.
When dealing with Funeral Homes you may be inundated with options – types of coffin, flowers, service, viewing, etc. They all have a cost and sometimes being emotional at the time you could easily be encouraged to spend more than you planned. So be clear in your mind what you and your family truly want.
Remember – there is no rush. Take your time and chat with family if you need to. Don’t be talked into doing things you don’t want.
Let’s look at the process itself.
What kind of funeral do you want? Traditional, Informal, Small, Large, Private, etc. Some families choose to have a private cremation soon after death, then plan a more public gathering later.
For the funeral service, do you want specific people to speak or just open it up to anyone? Who will lead the service? What would you like included – songs, poems, bagpipes…
Usually, a service goes for 20 to 30 minutes – but there are absolutely no time constraints. Some have a very simple and short service that is around 5 minutes. While other funerals can go for hours.
Making an outline of the service will help ensure you do everything you want.
If costs are a concern, there are options that significantly reduce the costs without cheapening things. Remember the simplest funerals are still very poignant.
In regards to the paperwork, the Funeral Director can take care of all of that. If you want to do the funeral without a Funeral Director the paperwork can be tricky, but not impossible. You can find help online. The paperwork is application for cremation / burial, Medical Certificate and Death Certificate application.
There can be so much happening at this time. People visiting, people to phone, an estate to deal with – besides the emotions you are dealing with. The best advice I can give is simply do one thing at a time. Take your time – there is no rush.
Even though it sounds a little strange, talk to different funeral homes and see how you feels with each one. Get a clear idea of costs.
Don’t panic. Focus on what is most important. You can do this.