A short SDF series #3
What do you do when….
when you want a funeral without the huge expense?
There are many options for families needing to have a funeral. In many cases, the expense is dramatically reduced with minimal input from funeral homes. An example is having a private cremation or burial soon after death with family and close friends. This is an informal gathering farewelling the person. In some cases families may have a direct cremation with no service.
A direct cremation is the cheapest option. But the person is taken away and there is no further involvement with the family until the ashes are returned to the family.
However, if the family still wants to remember and celebrate the person’s life. To mark their life with friends and family. Can this be done well without too much expense? Definitely.
This get-together or memorial service can be as formal or informal as you want. People have had church services, while others have met at their local pub. Others have met together at home. The point is that you have the choice. Some of the advantages of this are covered on the Memorial Services page.
The traditional funeral is usually at the funeral home chapel, church or other building. The coffin is present, flowers, service sheets, etc. Most of this is organised by a funeral home. And these costs certainly mount up. So what are the alternatives to this?
When you think of a funeral, focus on what is important for you.
How do you want to remember this person?
Who do you want to be there?
Where do you want to meet?
Do you want to include food and drinks?
Do you want someone to lead it?
Do you want it more informal and people share stories?
A funeral, at its heart, is about remembering, celebrating, and mourning the passing of someone who was part of your life. All the other things, like service sheets, flowers, and music, etc., are optional. They are not essential for a funeral service.
A funeral has become a big business where people make a lot of money from it. Often there are expectations that things need to be done a certain way that helps a family mourn and give a respectful send-off. This is more about homes making money, than anything else.
The point is that however you want to mark the life of someone is your choice. Even a direct cremation costs thousands of dollars. There are no set rules and regulations in regards to funeral/memorial service.
A funeral celebrant is another option to consider. Most funeral homes will use one anyway. But they are usually independent and can lead a funeral anywhere. They will be directed by what you want and can give advice if needed.
After taking dozens of funerals as a minister, there are only two things that stand out for me that families remember. The first is the stories told about the person. The second is catching up with people they haven’t seen for a while. Everything else is just “bells and whistles” that honestly aren’t necessarily.
If funeral expenses are a concern – remember that it isn’t the amount of money you spend on a funeral that matters. The less expensive options can often be much more meaningful for a family.
Do not let the cost of saying goodbye add to your grief.