Introduction
Funerals can be difficult times. High emotions, dealing with change and loss, as well as grappling with things you don’t usually confront.
We often see the traditional image of a solemn, unsmiling undertaker with no sense of humor. Very serious, very formal.
Children frequently weren’t allowed to attend funerals – even for close relatives. It was seen as unsuitable for them. However, times have changed.
Family-Friendly Funerals
The involvement of children in a funeral can be a very positive experience for both them and the adults. Children tend to cope with and process death in a straightforward, matter-of-fact manner. The right guidance and support can make a significant difference.
Recently, I assisted with a burial where the children had the chance to participate. It wasn’t initially planned, but it created wonderful memories.
The person who passed away (Grandad) requested a very simple funeral. He wanted the family to use the money that would have been spent on a traditional funeral. While he didn’t quite get his wish for a cardboard coffin, the untreated plywood turned out to be perfect.
He only wanted his immediate family at the burial, and a family member led the occasion, which mainly involved sharing stories and expressing gratitude for a beloved individual.
Then someone suggested writing on the coffin before it was lowered. Fortunately, I had a couple of black markers, and most people got a chance to write something. For those who were unsure of what to say, they drew an outline of their hand on the coffin using the marker.
There was no strict plan – and as you can see in the photos, the grandkids loved writing all over it. They enjoyed spending time together talking about all sorts of things – mostly about grandad.
Expense Concerns
The great aspect of this is that rather than being costly, it often turns out to be much more affordable. In this case, the total cost for the burial – including coffin, interment (digging the grave), arranging paperwork, and caring for grandad – came to under $5,000. It was $4,500, which included GST.
I hope more families realize that they don’t need to spend $8,000 to $15,000 to have a meaningful and respectful farewell.
The family did have the budget for a more expensive option – but as I mentioned, grandad wanted the family to keep the money, not the funeral home.
The family also held a public memorial service a few days later. They organized this themselves by simply booking a venue that could also cater for them. The memorial service had a similar format – people sharing stories and expressing gratitude for a life well-lived.
Conclusion
The involvement of children at a funeral can be beneficial. As we all know, death is a reality we all confront. In the past, death was often hidden away – dealt with by somber, serious individuals. This is why people still feel so uncertain about handling death today.
Dealing with death isn’t always easy. One aspect I appreciate about my job is how straightforward the process is for families arranging a funeral. The simplicity in no way diminishes its importance. In many ways, it grants people the space to be more present and less stressed.
We don’t have to embrace death, but we do need to accept it. Yes, there are heartbreaking tragedies associated with some deaths – especially those of the young. However, the reality is that death is one thing most people cannot control. What they can control is the way they choose to live.